me and my best friend on holiday. Presidents Day 2010.
blender
My weight-lifting, body-centric exboyfriend gave me this blender.
To encourage my health consciousness?
To assert his variable presence?
It’s been used a singular time when he made a weight-gainer smoothie.
It’s gleaming purpose, white exterior and uncommonly sharp blades
have begun to accost my healing memory.
Since that bout with love and my body, I’m exclusive
with wine, whiskey, cigarettes and punk rock.
Fuck the unreliable intentions of heroism and vanity.
And fuck smoothies.
still
over-eager, halted in my tracks.
cold glass against bared skin.
my cloaked ego had gone slack
without knowing your intention.
i called my brother to hear
his straight-forward conversation.
i stepped back to check out fear
- a too vulnerable invitation.
tardy perspective
is a judgmental friend.
and i have two long weeks
before it’s taunting end.
a couples church retreat
After 37 years of marriage my grandparents participated in a church retreat for couples. When they got there they were each given a blue composition notebook. They both have certain words, phrases circled. Seems like they were instructed to circle especially meaningful bits. My grandmother gave both to me several years ago. I’ve written out Page 2 from each of their books below. Page 1 still seems too personal. I changed a name since it feels wrong to use real names. I’ll probably do that when I transcribe pages from these church retreat notebooks.
If i write enough, you’ll see it’s clear my grandmother was not going to get what she wanted out of that retreat. She tried with great earnestness. Pages of appeal, professions of love.
Page 2 from grammy’s blue notebook
“My reasons for wanting to go on living with you
1 My life is only complete if you are there. (this one, #1, is circled)
2 to laugh more - you are the source of the merriment in our quiet, unsociable life.
3 to find & restore the sweet guy you were once
4 to give you back your God & your church 5 to keep you your sons’ father. I would not like to see you like Mr Dawson.
Page 2 of my grandfather’s blue notebook
“Growth of Marriage Encounter
Financial talk
FR Ed does not have access to financial sources because he is a Capuchin Father ——— Only source of finance is on weekend groups - generosity of couples
Contribution of $150 - Double cost of weekend directing couples & priests are not asked to pay.
Cost $75.oo not deductible
Contrib $75.oo This part is deductible
$150.oo (circled)”
Jesus.
